Paralysis

In the midst of making my preparations for this trip -- and without regard for my overwhelming excitement and joy at this adventure -- I became totally paralyzed with the thought of this journey.

I understand the thoughts of self-doubt that swirl around most people's brains on a daily basis -- I experience this at least as much as the next guy. I swat them away and move on. Sometimes a doubtful thought comes along that screams louder than others, throws banana peels in my path. In this case I stop, give this thought the attention it wants, clear up the doubt, and move on.

This time several monster-sized doubts jumped out at me at once. They tackled me to the ground and slimed all around me. The sheer weight of multiple wriggling and growing doubts weighed me down, until I curled into the fetal position to plan my counter-attack. I lay there for weeks.

The doubts were roughly grouped into these categories:

• Dependence on others 
• The total foreignness of the Indian culture to my own 
• I will stand out 
• Guests smell like fish 
• What's going on in the office