It's all about me!

Before I give a blow-by-blow about my fetal position paralysis, it must be stated clearly that all of these doubts and concerns are about ME… fed by my own insecurities and background…. My imaginings… my fears.

My brain brought these thoughts to life, and then it seized on any tiny phrase, any data, any lack of data to grow these little seedlings into the mighty redwoods they became before they crushed me to the ground and rendered me unable to make any progress.

My trip planning ground to a halt, basically, because I can be a bit of a paranoid, insecure, fearful nutjob.

Paralysis

In the midst of making my preparations for this trip -- and without regard for my overwhelming excitement and joy at this adventure -- I became totally paralyzed with the thought of this journey.

I understand the thoughts of self-doubt that swirl around most people's brains on a daily basis -- I experience this at least as much as the next guy. I swat them away and move on. Sometimes a doubtful thought comes along that screams louder than others, throws banana peels in my path. In this case I stop, give this thought the attention it wants, clear up the doubt, and move on.

This time several monster-sized doubts jumped out at me at once. They tackled me to the ground and slimed all around me. The sheer weight of multiple wriggling and growing doubts weighed me down, until I curled into the fetal position to plan my counter-attack. I lay there for weeks.

The doubts were roughly grouped into these categories:

• Dependence on others 
• The total foreignness of the Indian culture to my own 
• I will stand out 
• Guests smell like fish 
• What's going on in the office

Back from the Edge

I'm back, Faithful Reader, after a period of paralysis. Deer in the headlights paralysis…. 'Possum looking at you from the heating vent paralysis… Mr Frump in the iron lung paralysis. Paralysis on so many levels and from so many corners…

But let's get caught up from where I left you, before we examine my fears and specters.

• I went to the doctor, where together we reviewed the CDC website and decided what vaccines and medicines I would need. The vaccines required multiple visits to the lab, and caused very sore shoulder movement. But I'm now fully prepared! I can drink water from a village elephant's trunk if that is required!
• I received my Passport / Visa exactly eleven days after I sent it off -- sooner than the 14 I'd been promised and much sooner than the 21 I'd expected. I can now legally enter and leave the country without fear. Using an expeditor is definitely the way to go!
• My trip insurance purchase was a breeze. After I'd done all the online research and comparison, I bought online. The website was quick and easy. I was emailed a PDF of my policy and my insurance card. I'm all set with trip cancellation and medical evacuation. 
• I've started putting together 'My Book'. Everywhere I travel I compile a binder with my itinerary; photo copies of my reservations, passport, visa, etc.; emergency numbers; US Consulate info; shopping lists and sizes; color swatches; research into the airports where I have layovers and public transportation to / from said airport; tips from friends, etc.